1:22 p.m.
Remember the slightly* overweight woman I previously wrote about, the one who I saw carrying the big birthday cake? Yeah, well I just pulled into the parking lot and low and behold, there she was. I will make an assumption and say that she was just returning to work from lunch. Now, I have no idea what she eats, but I'm going to make another assumption and presume she is not a vegetarian. Let's just hypothetically say she went to Rally's (which is right down the street) for lunch. Now Rally's is currently having a special:
Cheese lovers: Checkers and Rally’s has the burger for you. For a limited time, we are offering the Big Cheesy Double. This double cheeseburger comes with not one, but three kinds of cheese, providing the kind of Fully Loaded Flavor that can only be found at Checkers and Rally’s. The Big Cheesy Double flavorfully pairs American, pepperjack and cheddar on top of two juicy, all-beef, hand-seasoned burger patties and is accented with diced red onions, crispy pickles, ketchup, mustard and served on a toasted sesame seed bun. Head to your nearby Checkers or Rally’s to try the Big Cheesy Double today.
So, after engulfing the Cheese lovers combo, jumbo-sized no less, she heads back to work to let her food digest. But as she exits her car, she remembers something. She never had dessert. What was she thinking? No better time to munch on some candy than while walking to the office.
I seriously almost threw up my corn chowder when I passed her. I was wearing sunglasses and trying not to look directly at her (you never know when you may turn to stone), but she was staring at me like I had screamed "I know what just ate Gilbert Grape" out the window. It was really uncomfortable. She looked at me while she slowly, methodically took bite after bite of what appeared to be Chick-O-Sticks.
I parked my car and got out, to notice that she still hadn't reached the building. Seriously, it takes maybe one minute to walk from the parking lot to the building and almost five minutes had passed so far. Well, by the time I got out and walked to the building, we reached the door at the same time. I was so scared she was going to try to hit me or eat me. Luckily, as I thought she would, she took the elevator, while I ran up the stairs. I'm thinking about running to the top floor and back a few times, just to ensure I don't get fat by osmosis.
And I'm sure some of you are thinking I'm such a terrible person. Some people can't help how much they weigh. Maybe she has a thyroid problem. Uh cough bullshit cough cough. Lay off me. I call it like I see it.
*150 lbs
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